Friday, February 25, 2011

Prayer

Dear friends,
My heart is so full tonight. Tonight my sister took our daughter home with her. Though I have missed her greatly. I am so glad that she is getting to spend time with her grandparents. Today has been a good day. For the first time this week work has been ok. The drama level was slim to none. And I am very thankful for that. After work I went and got Bailey from daycare and took her to Cup of Yo for Frozen Yogurt. She was so excited about going and that truly made my day. Matt also got off early tonight and we were able to go to dinner. We went to Chilli's as always. Afterwards we went to Wal-Mart to get a few things.

From there we went to a prayer training offered by Experience Life. At first honestly I was very guarded. I was not really sure what to expect. But as the night progressed I truly felt God's presence. Tonight I really got to just sit and hear his voice. To start out the evening we broke into groups and shared a prayer request that God had answered recently. I shared that I had prayed that God would save my marriage. And that God through Family Coaching, a life coaching ministry here in Lbk, had done just that. After everyone had shared in our small groups, Barry asked for a few people to share out loud what our prayer request was. I can't explain it but God gave me a courage that I have never felt before. I stood up and I said out loud in front of a group of people that God had healed me and Matt both from our addiction to pornography and that He has saved our marriage. And I am am so thankful. He put his super in our natural. He has created such a beautiful thing. I am falling more and more in love with my husband everyday. He is so good to me and he loves me so much. I am looking forward to many more years with him. After we got done tonight, my new friend Hope came up to me and talked to me. I was very encouraged by her. I am thankful for her obedience to God. She told me that God was telling her to tell me that my addiction to pornography and my healing from it was beautiful and that God was going to use that to bring him glory. Honestly I have never looked at it like that before. It was though exactly what I needed to hear. And that is the things that God has been showing me all week. I have to confess that there are times when I still have times when I want to look at the trash that for so long infiltrated my mind. And sometimes I can't lie I loose the battle against it. Monday was one of those days. But After a few minutes I realized that what God had for me what much better than my five minutes of pleasure. I know that by posting this to the world that I am opening myself up for a lot of grief. But for me that is ok. This is what I have to do. Like Hope said God is going to use my story in ways that I can not even imagine. And if that is here then I will be blessed and He will be lifted high. This week a good friend of mine told me about his son trying to commit suicide this last week. I was absolutely crushed. I can not tell you all the emotions and the pain that this has brought back for me. Several of my friends in college attempted suicide when I was in college and one succeeded. My friend Megan knew God and still felt the need to take her life. So all week I have been interceding for this family. Praying every chance that I get that God would give them comfort and that God would heal their son from this terrible sickness. I have lived this out before. It is a very scary thing. My wish would be that no one would have to experience this. So I beg you to pray for this family that God would reign supreme. He has already been moving in powerful ways and will continue to. So God has pushed me a lot this week. But the main thing that he has been doing is reminding me of the giftings and the life experiences that I have had in my life and that he wants me to use these gifts and experiences to serve him. A long time ago I felt a strong calling to intercede on other people's behalf. God has given me this passion back. My heart has been stirred and it feels so right. And two I believe that God has shown me that my life experiences are the very things that he wants to use through me. Whether that is at Family Coaching as I feel led or somewhere else, I pray that I will head God's calling in my life. To serve him in all the ways small or big.

Father, would you continue to speak to me and to reveal who you are. Thank you for all the things that you have done in my life. Thank you for all the people that you are putting in my life. I can not image life with out you or them. Continue to mold me on this journey with you. Amen

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Life

Dear friends the last few days have been crazy. I have been so overwhelmed with God and it is awesome. But life has been rough.

Went to moms this weekend and got to see Mark and Devie which was way cool. Didnt get to spend as much time with Dad as I would have liked but that is ok. Dad seems to be doing good this week. Dad got out three times last week. The latest was his trip to Ropesville on Sunday. He did have a little fall but he is doing ok. He slept till 2 o'clock yesterday. After we left Mom and Dads on Sunday we took my brother to check on his house on the way home. Turns out that he had been robbed. They took his washer and drier, a coffee table that was my great grandmas, the hot water heater and a tv. Thankfully no one was there when it happened and most of his stuff was at moms. He is ok. He says that it is just stuff. I never thought that I would hear that from my Bro in this circumstance but I am so proud that I did.

Yesterday was presidents day so I had the day off. I am thankful for it but was bored as crap. My morning started off bad cause I was really struggling with some sin. You know it is like in the Bible where it talks about the things that we dont want to do are the very things that we do do. And the things that we want to do are the things that we dont do. I quickly reminded myself that what God had for me was so much better than my 5 mins of pleasure. It is just so hard sometimes. I got sick yesterday after lunch so that was no bueno. Yesterday afternoon I was watching Netflix and decided to watch 18 and counting. I had never really watched that show before. I was so amazed at the faith that they showed. There is no way that I want that many kids but there are a lot of things that I would like to take from them. Especially how they raise their children. I loved the fact that they take any chance that they can to teach their children about Jesus and about being a servant. I love that their children go out and do things for other people. They even took their 11 kids on a mission trip.

Recently there has been a burden on the hearts of many people for the Fatherless. This was brought to my attention at the beginning of this year when a group of friends expressed to our life house their calling twords this. For them they have a desire to specifically minister to children needing foster families and adoption. And to minister to families that are wanting to adopt. But I have really been thinking alot lately about what I can do. Matt and I do have a desire to adopt when we are older. But dont feel like we are prepared right now to do so. I am excited about discovering ways that we can help the Wideman's and the Marshall's in this journey.

Last night Matt and I did not have Bailey cause she stayed at Mom's so we decided to go to a prayer meeting at our church. All I can say is that it was the most powerful time with God that I have had in a long time. There were several things going on all at the same time. First of all God was reminding me through the music that I dont have to live in my guilt, that God loves me just how I am. That He wants to use my struggle. Second, Our prayer pastor and his wife shared a really hard thing that was going on in their lives. It really hit home for me cause I have experience what they are going through several times. That is why I love E-life cause all the way up to the pastor people at E-life are not affraid to be real. And through there realness God was able to speak to me. He showed me all the ways that he has prepared me to do the ministry that I feel called to do. So many times I think that I am not capable of doing this ministry. But last night I truly heard his voice. I know that right now might not be the time but I truly feel that God would not put this desire in my heart if he was not going to prepare me to do it.

Things at work have been super crazy and I have been super stressed. I really need prayer right now. I really need wisdom and peace. Things have just gotten ugly. I know that the lord does not promise life to always be easy. But right now I wish that it was a little easier.

I came home today to discover that our electricity had been shut off cause we conveiniently forgot to pay it. I was so mad earlier. But right now I am glad that Matt and I have had the evening to spend time togethor without the TV and all the noise that would have been going on at home.

Well better go home and see if we have power. Hopefully we will.

Friday, February 11, 2011

WATCH OUT FOR THE BROWNIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WELL THIS WEEK HAS BEEN A BAD WEEK FOR ME. I HAVE GONE THROUGH MANY UPS AND DOWNS. AND TRUTHFULLY I DONT KNOW WHY. MONDAY NIGHT I GOT TO WATCH THE MADE TO CRAVE WEBCAST AND THAT WAS VERY GOOD. I FOLLOWED UP ON TUES WITH BIGGEST LOSER. AFTER WATCHING BOTH I HAVE FELT VERY EMPOWERED AS LYSA WOULD SAY. BUT THEN AT THE SAME TIME I HAVE CRAVED COKES AND CHOCOLATE SO BAD. AND I HAVE TO SAY THAT I BEAT THE SODAS BUT THE CHOCOLATE WON. I ATE LOTS OF BROWNIES YESTERDAY. I KNEW THAT I WAS MAKING A MISTAKE THE WHOLE TIME THAT I WAS EATING THEM. I DONT THINK THAT I HAD A REASON FOR EATING THEM OTHER THAN THEY JUST TASTED SO GOOD. BUT I KNOW THAT THE MAJOR REASON WAS THAT I WAS NOT PREPARED AND SO I CAVED. I DID NOT PLAN SO I PLANED TO FAIL. I ALSO KNOW THAT MY TIME WITH THE LORD THIS WEEK HAS BEEN SLIM TO NONE WHICH I AM SURE ADDS TO A LOT OF MY MIXED EMOTIONS. SO TODAY IS A NEW DAY.

WE ARE GOING SHOPPING THIS WEEKEND FOR A NEW COMPUTER SO I AM EXCITED ABOUT THAT. I CANT DECIDE WHAT I WANT TO GET. I REALLY WANT A DELL IF I CAN AFFORD IT. WE SHALL SEE.

DAD IS STILL WAKING UP WITH HEADACHES. LAST WEEKEND REALLY WORE HIM OUT. HE SLEPT A LOT ON SUNDAY AND MONDAY. BUT MOM SAID THAT HE WAS AWAKE MOST OF TUES AND WEDNESDAY. THIS WEEK WE ARE GOING OUT THERE ON SAT NIGHT TO SEE THEM. WE WANT TO COOK A MEAL FOR THEM FOR THEIR ANIVERSARY. WE WILL PROBABLY TAKE MOM FLOWERS ALSO. TRISHA WAS ABLE TO PICK UP A GIFT FOR MOM FROM DAD. I WAS THANKFUL FOR HER HELP. AND I CANT WAIT TO SEE IT. I REALLY HOPE THAT SHE LOVES IT.

WELL BETTER GET GOING. SO HAPPY THAT I GET TO SPEND THE WHOLE DAY WITH MY TWO FAVORITE PEOPLE TODAY.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

FEBRUARY 1,2010

Well today God blessed us with a beautiful snow storm. So my awesome boss said to stay home. I am loving being bored. I finneshed reeading my book. It was Unlocked by Karen Kingsburry. Awesome as always. She is so very talented. The book is about a high school kid with autism. If you know someone with children with Autism this would be a great gift to them. I am going to send mine to my mother-in-law and when she is done is going to send it to her friend whose grandson has Autism. Father please help Landon and Alex. They are sweet boys that need your help. And please help their mommas and daddys. Help us to know how we can minister to kids just like Holden Harris. Amen.

I talked to Dad this morning. He seemed to be ok. Said that he was feeling a little sore from laying in the bed to long. Said that he was sleepy. The nurse confirmed out fear that the cancer is in his brain. The hospice nurse called and said that daddys blood flow was too high to stop the Lovanox. Which is the blood thinner so I am not sure what that means. They are going to re-draw his blood on Thursday. Hope that things look better.

Last night we went to Monday Night Prayer. It was amazing. I was just in awe, as the God of the universe reminded me of who he was. Reminding me of all the proofs of his love. Mostly of the sactrifice that he gave in Jesus.

Tonight we went over to the warrens for dinner. Lisa made some good soup. Then everyone had snow ice cream. I wanted some but refrained. So I will count that as a victory.