Changes

Hi friends,

Well things have been crazy lately. Life at work has been really stressful. But it seems like things are on the up side. Things as we know it are starting to change. I will soon be getting a new position at work. Yay! I will now be driving to Levelland instead of Sundown. I am really excited and nervous all at the same time. I am just really glad for the change. In addition to the change at work we have also decided to move Bailey to a Lubbock daycare. She will be going to Doodle Bug Square which I am really excited about. It is right accross the street from Matt's work and after meeting her teacher last week I am confident that Bailey is going to get really good care and is going to learn a lot in the process. The curiculum that they have chosen is one of the best out there. Bailey is excited and can't wait to start. Plus, Matt will get to share in getting Bailey to and from school. I think that I am having a harder time with the change than she is. I love all her teachers at her current daycare and we have been so blessed. She is growing up so fast. Her little personality is comming out so much lately. The change that I am the most excited about is that Matt and I have decided to get a gym membership for myself. I signed up at Bodyworks last Friday. I think that this is going to be a really good thing for me. I am so thankful for my friend Lisa Warren for helping me to decide. Lisa, thanks for giving me the little bit of encouragement that I have needed in the last two weeks. I am looking forward to working out togethor. We are going to the Bodyworks at slide and 82nd. So if you go to that gym I would love to know. I would love to workout with anyone that would like to workout with me. I had my first workout yesterday. I walked on the treadmill for 25 mins. Though it is no where close to where I want to be I am proud of that accomplishment. This last week has been really good for me. I have really started to grasp that I have to do this for me. That I have to make time for me. And that by doing that I am going to be a better wife, mom, and employee. I want so much to please people all the time. It is time that I start pleasing myself. For me to start believing that I am worth it. I also want to please God. I read Lysa Terkurst blog and she was talking about this today. I know that part of what holds me back is that I am so worried that I am going to let God and everyone else down. Cause I have promised over and over that this would be the time. God I want to loose this weight so that I can please you more. God I want to do this so I can serve you more. But each time so far I have failed. I am so tired of failing. I want so badly to be the winner. I also heard a sermon from Perry Noble this week and He reminded me that the God of the universe is entralled with my beauty. Like a new born baby God is captivated by the beauty of his daughter. That God loves me for me. He made me(Psalm 139). He knew me before I was born. He knew who I was going to be and where I was going to fail. He loves me simply because I am his daughter. In the sermon Perry talked about all the ways that we try to find our worth, our career, our home, our children. And we live defeated cause we never measure up to the expectations that we have of ourself. God does not see me fat, ugly and a failure. . I know that others dont see me this way either. They see me as beautiful cause they have told me so. And I have seen the passion in their eyes when they say it. So many times I have heard "I just wish that you could see how beautiful that you are." But I don't see it. So friends, please pray for me this week that when I look into the mirror that I will start to see that I am beautiful to believe it in my heart. That I will start focusing on the things that I see that are beautiful in others. And it is not their looks that I see, it is not their job or their house. It is their heart. Today, I have been thinking about my goals and the things that I want to accomplish. My big goal is to loose 200 lbs. But my goal for this week is to make it to the gym 3 days. I already have one down and have commited to working out with Lisa on Thursday and Friday.
So there you go. My second goal for the week is to start drinking more water. Though it has been easier to turn down a soda, I have been slacking in the water department.

Dad is doing really good. They are thinking about going out of town this weekend. I hope that it works out for them. I got to spend several hours alone with him this weekend. That is just what I needed. I love my family but I have been dying for that time. I think that reality is setting in more and more each day that his days on this earth are numbered. I have put up a good front to most people but this week as been hard. I love him so much. I can't image life without him. So thankful to know that I have a heavenly father who loves me and that will be there forever. But it doesnt make it any easier.

Well time for bed. Have a good hump day. And thanks to each of you for being my friend. Till next time.

<>< Francis

A FUNK

So this week already has been vey difficult. I have been in a really bad funk. I feel like I am fighting depression or something. I have tried to handle this on my own but I am really week and I need help. I am asking all of you to stand with me in this battle that I am facing. Please pray that God will restore to me the joy that I had last week, he would help me to find within myself the determination to fight, and would remind me that he has already won this battle. .... Last night Matt and I went to Monday Night Prayer at E-Life. The theme for the night was that our stuggle is not agaist flesh and blood. That it is against the enemy. I have been feeling the attacks of the enemy really strong this last week. You know from my last post that I was really pumped up about how God had helped me and Matt overcome our addiction to pornography and that the Lord was going to use that for his glory. So dont you know that that is the very thing that satan threw back in my face. And so for several days now I have been struggling with this temptaion. I dont want to do this. I want to have God's best for my life and I know that his best is not an addiction to pornography. No only have I been struggling with that sin I have also been falling back into all the same habbits that I used to have. I have had soda's and lots of processed food. Again, I know that this is not God's best for me. Monday we had the weigh in for our weight competition at work. I didnt even weigh in because I knew that I had gained weight. I am seriously discourage right now. Last night I felt God telling me that my weight is Satan's victory. If he can keep me knocked down by this, then I will not be effective for God's kingdom. I dont want him to have that victory in my life. I want to serve God with the best of me. And right now I am not at my best.

I have been encouraged though by the book that I am reading. Made to Crave talks about how your sucess in your weightloss journey comes when you are craving God. And honestly I fee like that is where I am getting to. I dont know that I am totally there yet, but it feels so good to have even a small portion of the relationship with God that I used to have. It has been so good in the last few weeks to feel so close to him. I pray that it would not stop. I know that he will never let go of me. I just have to trust him. To seek his best.

In other news dad seems to be doing ok. He did not sleep well last night. So he slept most of the afternoon. But he was able to come to Lubbock and get some paper work taken care of for me. I am glad that he and I got to spend the afternoon togethor. My aunt and uncle are comming in this weekend. Bailey is so excited to see her cousins. Mom took her home with them tonight. We will be going out there on Sat morning. So glad that they are coming back. I love it when they are here and hate it when they leave. They are so much comfort for me.

This last week I also got a bonus at work. Matt and I decided to get Bailey a new bed and finish decorating her room. It was really fun. She is loving it and it makes me glad. We are not done yet. Still waiting on part of her bed but it is mostly done.

Well work in the morning. Better get some rest.