Sunday Jan 30,2011

Well this last week I started a weightloss competition at my office. I know that it is going to be really good for me. I have to loose this weight so why not see if I can win some money to. Hopefully I wont loose money. But that is how it goes.
I have to say that I am very proud of how my first week has gone. I have had no real sodas. We are trying RC Cola Zero's. They are not bad at all. We have been eating a lot more fruit and veggies this week to. I kinda splurged yesterday. Matt and I went out to dinner. It was so good. Applebees Stuffed Meatballs are the bomb. Also this week in reading the book Made to Crave be Lisa Terkurst I was challenged to change my thinking. Instead of thinking about all the things that I cant have to start thinking about all the things that I can. And to not look at my self in a negetive way. Thinking that I was the Fat Girl. But instead to start thinking of myself as the victorious child of God, the set free child of God and so on.... The biggest thing that I have started to say is that I am made for More. I cant tell you how much of a difference that has made in my life just this week. I have definately felt more empowered this week.


Well Dad is not doing very good. We went to see him yesterday. Mom says that Dad is starting to have a hard time mentally. I dont really know how to describe it. The Dr. is sure that the cancer is in his brain. They were playing Dominoes the other day and mom said that Dad was real slow. He could still add faster than any of them but it was like he didnt know what to play. Dad is also having extremely bad headaches. I hate that. Mom has friends from high school in this weekend. I am so glad that they are there. They are so funny and right now we all need a good laugh especially Mom. We were going to go back out to see them again today but really feel like we need to go to lifehouse this week. Reality of Dad's situation is getting more and more real everytime that we go to see him. Every week it is harder to go and harder to leave. I am so sad. It is not fair. I am going to miss him so much. It is so hard to think about how life will be without him. I wont be able to call him for advise on so many things. I love him so much. I wish this was all a dream. I truly wish that the end would come soon. So he wont have to suffer. But at the same time I dont want him to go. I need him.

Right now we are working to get my schedule at worked changed so that I will only be working 8 hours a day instead of 9. I know that they hour does not seem like a lot but right now it is. I will no longer get every other friday off but I will get home at a decent hour. I am hoping that this will help me to start feeling better. If I feel like I have a little more time for myself.

Bailey is at moms again this week. We are wanting her to spend as much time as she can with her papaw. She is so little and does not understand what all is going on. We have tried so hard to prepare her for this. All we can do now is pray and ask God to help her.

Matt and I have gotten the books that we need to read to be lifehouse leaders and have started on those. Last night we were riding home and I really felt that we were not ready to be lifehouse leaders. I was talking me and Matt both out of it. By the time that dinner was over I had rationalized the whole thing. But this morning God totally rocked both of our worlds. The message that God gave us through Chris was that we should assume that God was calling us to do it unless he specifically says wait. And for us I dont think that this had been the case. So here we GO!

In other news we are really looking forward to church next week. It is going to be really good. It is National Porn Sunday. We will be joining a church called TrippleXChurch http://xxxchurch.com/ via video. I am excited about the awareness that this will bring to so many families. I pray that walls and strongholds that have been in people lives will be broken. God can heal families. We know cause he has healed ours. So if you are in lubbock check it out. Experience life church @ the Sportsplex. Sat 5:00,6:30 Sunday 8:30,10:00, & 11:00.

So it has been a while since my last blog. Life has been crazy as usual. Dad is doing good. I have been struggling though for the last week or so. I can't really explain what is going on. I have been having issueS with my eye twitching so i know that i am overly tired. So you know that when you say that you are not going to do something it makes you want to do it more. Well that has been my case with eating out lately. Seems like everyday is more and more of a challenge. But I know that I will get there. My exercise lately has been pretty hit and miss. I know that I need to but things are hectic and thus helps me to make excuses. But today is a new day. Work is crazy too. We are way slammed. Michele just quit and we are training two new ones. Overtime is available and that is good cause something is wrong with my car. Hopefully it wont cost a fortune to fix.

On a positive note things with God are going good. This weekend Matt and I talked and decided that we are really to lead a lifehouse (small group) at our church. I am really nervous but I am really excited at the same time. I struggle so much with not feeling confidence in my faith. I know that makes not since to those of you that know me well. Yes I am the one that went to a christian school and have a degree in Religious Education. But I think that for me it is more about the relational aspects of something like this. Worrying if people will like me. If my house will be big, clean and good enough. So we are going to take the challenge and see what happens.

Last night I started working through the participant guide that goes along with the Made to Crave video and book. I realize how bad my situation is. But I can overcome with help from my friends and family and most importantly God.

How it all began

Well this is acctually day four of my jouney but my first day to have this blog. A few days ago a great friend suggested that I read a book called Made to Crave. I had already seen the email about it and was planning to check it out. That night I looked it up online and decided that this was something that i wanted to do for me. It seems that it fits me right were I am. At a place where I am tired of being sick and tired. A place where all I want is to have a great relationship with Jesus and a healthy life. A place where I am ready to make a change. My plan was to go and get the book at the store but seeing how the store was closed on Sunday's I decided to get it as on EBook online. I just love technology. As I sat and read there were lots of tears shed cause she was speaking directly to me. I heard God say to me that just like Lysa the author that I was puting Food first in my life, over my family, myself and God. I heard him say to me that he wanted to be first in my life. I want to be obedient and follow him. I know that this journey is going to be long and hard but I know that if I have Faith that He will see my through it. I must warn you that i am not good as english. I tend to have lots of run on sentences. But what I can promise you is that I am going to do my very best to be as real and as honest and open as I can be. I will never delete a post. I want to have this blog at the end of my journey as a gift to myself and to my kids. I am doing this not only for me but for my husband Matt, my daughter Bailey and any future kids that we might have. So good news today. I worked out and I have lasted for 30 mins. That might sound like just a short time for some. But for others like myself it seems like an eternity. I posted on Facebook that I felt like a Biggest Loser contestant today cause I worked out, puked and kept on going. The old Francis would have given up after puking. That I am so proud of myself and feel great. This morning I am also thankful for great friends that stand behind me no matter how many times that I let them down. In addition to my weightloss journey, I am also walking with my Dad as he fights for his life. He was diagnosed with Renal Cell Carcinoma back in September. It has been a long road since then. Two surgeries, one to remove the kidney the other to remove a mass off of his spine. And lots of hospital stays in and out have taken a hard time on me and the rest of the family. Today we are going with Daddy to the oncologist office to discuss with him if the chemo and the radiation are making any progress. If not Dad had said that he no longer wants treatment. I am so torn over this. On one hand on want my daddy here with us. On the other hand I dont want him to suffer. He is such a great man and he has endured so much already. I just have to keep believeing that God has the plan and that no matter how hard it is and how much it doesnt make sense that he knows what is best. It doesnt make it easier though. I am still really sad. Wishing that it was all a dream and that I am going to wake up. But it is not. It hasnt gone away. It is life and though is sucks it is what it is. May it make me a stronger person one day at a time.