Wednesday, January 5, 2011
How it all began
Well this is acctually day four of my jouney but my first day to have this blog. A few days ago a great friend suggested that I read a book called Made to Crave. I had already seen the email about it and was planning to check it out. That night I looked it up online and decided that this was something that i wanted to do for me. It seems that it fits me right were I am. At a place where I am tired of being sick and tired. A place where all I want is to have a great relationship with Jesus and a healthy life. A place where I am ready to make a change. My plan was to go and get the book at the store but seeing how the store was closed on Sunday's I decided to get it as on EBook online. I just love technology. As I sat and read there were lots of tears shed cause she was speaking directly to me. I heard God say to me that just like Lysa the author that I was puting Food first in my life, over my family, myself and God. I heard him say to me that he wanted to be first in my life. I want to be obedient and follow him. I know that this journey is going to be long and hard but I know that if I have Faith that He will see my through it. I must warn you that i am not good as english. I tend to have lots of run on sentences. But what I can promise you is that I am going to do my very best to be as real and as honest and open as I can be. I will never delete a post. I want to have this blog at the end of my journey as a gift to myself and to my kids. I am doing this not only for me but for my husband Matt, my daughter Bailey and any future kids that we might have. So good news today. I worked out and I have lasted for 30 mins. That might sound like just a short time for some. But for others like myself it seems like an eternity. I posted on Facebook that I felt like a Biggest Loser contestant today cause I worked out, puked and kept on going. The old Francis would have given up after puking. That I am so proud of myself and feel great. This morning I am also thankful for great friends that stand behind me no matter how many times that I let them down. In addition to my weightloss journey, I am also walking with my Dad as he fights for his life. He was diagnosed with Renal Cell Carcinoma back in September. It has been a long road since then. Two surgeries, one to remove the kidney the other to remove a mass off of his spine. And lots of hospital stays in and out have taken a hard time on me and the rest of the family. Today we are going with Daddy to the oncologist office to discuss with him if the chemo and the radiation are making any progress. If not Dad had said that he no longer wants treatment. I am so torn over this. On one hand on want my daddy here with us. On the other hand I dont want him to suffer. He is such a great man and he has endured so much already. I just have to keep believeing that God has the plan and that no matter how hard it is and how much it doesnt make sense that he knows what is best. It doesnt make it easier though. I am still really sad. Wishing that it was all a dream and that I am going to wake up. But it is not. It hasnt gone away. It is life and though is sucks it is what it is. May it make me a stronger person one day at a time.